Hello tumblr…
Its been a week in Manado. Many things happened. The 1st day I arrived at the house I stay, I immediately feels “yah… Its home”
Home, but just that its not for me. LOL
My heartache in everyday, bcs that I envy to them, to have this kind of “happy family”-air, while me… I never have one, u know even one chance never happened to me for having this kind of moment.
You see, there are Mother, Father, Big sister, Big brother and lil brother and one grandma, at the house. Everyday they are eating together, mother waking up the big brother and lil brother for eating. They are never fighting each other. The big sister is ald married, but u see… Even when she ald have 2 children, she’s still the mother’s 1st daughter in this family… She still can linger on her… Again, I never do that… Like it was so impossible for me and my mom to do that…
The house, full of pictures… The big sis, big bro, and lil bro pic… Ever since they are still a baby… Until they are all grown up, the pictures are set on the wall… All over the house. As for me… How can I have this kind of “picture all over the house” while I don’t even have a house…
They wake up in the morning, go to the shop they have. Big bro n lil bro, grandma, dad n mom, all of them go their shop, help each other. Even when they are at the shop, they are still laughing to each other… Still very kind n care to each other… Oh ya! Even at the shop, they have their pictures together… I honestly really envy…
I never have a picture together with my mom and dad… And sister and brother 2gthr. Even if I want to do it now… Its ald too late since my dad is ald passed away… The only one picture I have is when my mom n dad married… Even that, I believe I lost it ald… Huff~
Someone told me “one day u will have ur own family” I tell u what… Its very different… Bcs I want the family where I am the daughter in that family… Not as a mother…
In my eyes… They do really happy family… They celebrate Christmas together, everyday also together… I’m… Sick of jealousy…
I just want the same kind of family… :(
Every night my tears falling… Craving family so much…
Bcs at the end, I’m all alone… #sigh